So, here we are again, in this place where a catalyst of which we aren't aware suddenly appeared and widened the distance between us. Where pride is important and stubbornness has led to an awkward silence and neither party is willing to make the first move. I don't get why it's turned out like this, and I don't understand why this should've happened.
I'm the one in actual fact, with more reasons to walk away; I'm the one with more excuses to say that it isn't worth putting up with things anymore. Being stuck as long as I have, and having endured as much as I did, I think I should be given an award for my continued patience to the treatment I'd received. But hell no, this is your stuff! This is your personal matters getting in the way if I went and asked you, you'd actually tell me the truth.
I don't know how I feel about this. At this moment I'm angry, but I'll probably feel sad tomorrow. I don't think I'm actually angry, which would then imply that my feelings towards you are mainly negative. The better word would be that I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed by the fact that you're so closed off. I'm disappointed by the fact that albeit I value what was our friendship more than I value most, that if I tried to get the full story I know the likelihood is that you'd respond to me with lies. And what disappoints me the most is that you're just so disappointing in general. Incomprehensibly disappointing.
Is the reason why we can't be friends anymore just because I have a greater sense of my self worth nowadays? Is it because I'm not as available as I used to be and won't drop everything I'm doing as my phone is going off? Because the fact that if I get pissed off, I have no longer feel the desire to stick around longer than I can stand and I'd rather go home and be on my own than just suck it up for the sake of feeling involved.
Every now and then, you'd say that nobody cared about you, and that you don't give a damn about anyone or even yourself. You lived and you still live your life with reckless abandon and play things by ear. You actually failed to notice the people around who came back time after time, incident after incident. Why would they still be there if they didn't care? Why I have stayed if I didn't care?
Do you that you're a pain? I mean that honestly. I can see you blowing up and calling me every name under the sun to avoid actually being honest to each other and hashing things out like an adult. I'm tired. I'm tired of sticking up for you and justifying the things you do and have done. I'm tired of the things I've done without asking for anything back being disregarded and I'm also tired of feeling used. Most of all, I'm tired of feeling like I've been taken for granted. I'm not going to say something as cliché as 'I have a lot going on'. I do have a lot of things going on, but that isn't the reason why I've given up. Until the day comes when you can actually function as an adult and respect the choices I've made as a good friend should and will do. Unless there was something strangely wrong that you felt that you need to protect me from.
I don't see any alternative solution that this thing can be fixed. We've gone through the motions of love, respect, resentment and I can't say that I'll just forget about this and act like I never knew you. I said that you meant a lot to me. It just goes to show in the way that you went about things that I was being naïve to think you could actually feel the same.
